Fake it Till You Make it??

That phrase is a funny one...at least I think so. Some people live by it, but I always felt that in a way a person would be lying to get where they want to be. I thought to live by that phrase you are just in this continuous mode of not being who you actually are.

...but I have in fact used this philosophy.

Start calling me a hypocrite right abouuuuuut.....NOW!

In the creative field, be it fine arts, film industry, or even marketing, whatever you decide to put in the creative block, not many opportunities are given. You somehow have to prove yourself, and provide evidence that "Yes! I have done this job successfully before, and I can deliver with this next task!" Hell forget the fact that I said creative field. All of this can apply to the job market in general.

All I know is no matter what a person has to start somewhere. It is so aggravating to see so many job posts saying, "Requires 3 to 4 years of experience" but it was labeled entry level? huh? Did I miss something here?

I cant speak for all fields, but I know in the photography, and film industry they abuse the whole intern system. All professionals say that "You're going to eventually have to do free gigs, you cant avoid it." What? This is where half the people who had dreams in the creative field say "Fuck!" Working for free? Who honestly has the time? People have rent! And probably about 8 or 9 other bills. Who knows? I don't know everyones situation. This is also why you have a ton of people working in job that they absolutely loathe!

**I will make a small comment on the interning problem. Yes, people abuse it massive, but if you have a full time job, and you have extra time, taking on a free gig on the weekend here and there wont hurt. Or even in my case with this art club, I set up the art show that I will be in next month. I def did not have to take on that responsibility, but it was for sure in my best interest. Nothing is easy, but hard work pays off. It may not feel like it now, but it will. I can promise that.**

This is where the phrase comes into play. I'm not going to suggest lying on your application or resume. I don't do it. Not to mention the fact that its a federal offense...right? "Fake it till you make it," let me tell you it can go wrong, and downhill very fast for you if not executed correctly, or if you don't have enough common sense to make the right moves. Once I realized that I had that whole quick learner ability thing I knew what that phrase meant. It's not even lying. I guess it is really knowing your limitations. What you can handle and take on? Its all about knowing your talents, and your ability to pick things up.

I think the difference in my thought process about this is that fact that I use to be given a task, and would tell that person "yes," or "no" if I could do such task. Now, I think about it a little bit more, and try to scale if I can try to do it if it is something I've never done before. **side note: When I have to tackle something I've never done before I get a massive amount of anxiety. Of course I don't show it, I research the shit out of it, and figure it out. ** Once done I just gained experience, and learned something new! Well damn, that whole process of "fake it till you make it," worked! The person that gave me the task or whatever, is pleased, and now knows I have that certain skill without even knowing that I never once did such a task. Now you have the potential to be promoted, or when you switch jobs that manager, supervisor can vouch for you on even more levels, and skills!

I bring this up because I'm finding myself tackling a lot of things that I never have done before, and finding out that I'm not half bad at doing them. I guess I say "ok, I'll do it," to a lot of things without even doubting that I can actually do it, even though I never have previously. The "ok, I'll do it," method that I have acquired in my everyday life is building my skill set. I guess I am using the "fake it till you make it," method as well, but I see it as just having the confidence level in myself to take on new things. I'm not scared to learn new things, or at least try things on my own.

Confidence goes a looooong way in any career path. Isn't that the foundation of "Fake it till you make it?" I do so believe.



So, people have confidence, and I guess I can say, "Fake It Till You Make it!" 

...Just dont lie. lol

My First Major Art Show

I had a previous post discussing organizing an art show/exhibition. I have to tell you that it has been such an experience to actually co-ordinate a show, for myself and a large group of included artists. I learned a bunch about how to set one up, and a bit about the Art Gallery business. All of it being very useful to me, and my long-term goals.

My title "My First Major Art Show" is just that. I entered my photos a couple of years ago into a small Buffalo gallery for holiday art show. I entered two of my favorite pieces, the show was juried, and the fact that I was accepted into it was such a big thing to me. I was super happy about it. The show was up for a month, but I didn't sell anything. That kinda broke my heart to be quite honest. I was super green to the whole fine art world. I couldn't expect to sell anything that quickly...right?

A lot went through my head. I had a number of questions. Did I price my items too high? Did I make the right decision printing them on canvas? Did I pick the right photos to print to begin with? I feel as though all of this is a hit or miss. Could I even say it's a lot of trial and error maybe? What I do know is everything takes a lot of practice. The one thing I like about myself is I keep going, and even if I feel down and out about what happened in the past I still press on, and try something else. I cant give up, and whatever it is you're doing(or want to do) you shouldn't either.

Why do I classify this art show coming up in September the "First Major" one? I tend to think NYC has higher standards. As I should, right? It's the epicenter for art. Some can argue that, but if you want to test your art in a market NYC is the one to do it in. Buffalo is great, but in the art realm??? I'm not sure to be honest. I don't know how competitive that show was. If they accepted everyone, or if they actually selected certain people. Who knows? I saw that as no big deal, even though I was still happy to be in a juried show for the first time.

I have certain anxieties going into this new show for sure. Them being similar to what I thought after the Buffalo show. Did I pick the right photos to exhibit? Am I going to frame them in the best or most flattering way? Will I price them right? Will I sell anything this time around?? Will people like my work? Will I be anyone's favorite? The group I am exhibiting with consists of mostly painters. Which could be to a disadvantage, or a major advantage. That one I have no clue how to predict. It's definitely a lot to think about.

We recently just got the postcard/invite done, finalized, and printed. My name printed among the artists exhibiting. There's always something so special about that. I keep down playing it, and the whole art show altogether, but the other artists are extremely grateful I stepped up to co-ordinate, and secure this show for all of us. The president of the club I am associated with through this show also is very excited about this. Once I saw this:

"Looks good! Make sure the PDF goes to *** and *** for The *** website and the *** blog... should put the announcement on the face book page as well ... should also write a press release that can go out to places that list exhibition information.

Job well done!!!!!"

...I knew that this was a bigger deal than I anticipated. My boyfriend was super excited for me. I'm so happy to have support from him, and from my family and friends. I really wonder if I should get excited. Why shouldn't I? Maybe because I have such anxiety. I don't really know. 

As an artist it is really scary to have your work on display for everyone to see, and judge. It's basically you on display when you really think about it. I just picture myself standing on a lil stage, with my head wide open projecting on the wall all my feelings and thoughts for all to pick apart. I'm still going to go ahead and keep putting myself out there though. It's what you have to do as an artist, at if you want to make a living from it. Not everyone will like my work. I know that. Some will. I know that too. All Art is super subjective. Hopefully I do well at this show. I definitely have positive thoughts going into this. I know it may not seem like it because of the down play, but I really do. I'm just chicken. Haha. 

This is all very surreal to me. I'm more than grateful this is all happening. I think I worked for it. I think once I have my own Art show featuring JUST my work that might be a moment I wont be able to think is really happening either. It's going to happen though. I just don't know how I'm going to handle that. 

The show will be great. I'm looking forward to the opening reception too! The post card is below. I love it. Another member of our group designed it. I'm very happy with it, and the fact that all this is happening! 

Do you like your art?

More, and more recently with me being more active with my photography, and of course having more time to give my photography more attention I am noticing my response to my artwork.

Does every artist doubt their work? Do they question whether they can in fact call what they create, art? Is me asking these questions, doubting my ability, or is it me being humble? I can't call it. I'm never sure. There is a fine line between self doubt, and being humble. At least I think so.

Do arrogant artists exist? At face value that question seems really silly, right? Well, I don't think so, simply because I know quite a few artists that love painting, drawing, photographing, and so on, and they want to make a living doing what they love, but are never quite sure if they can succeed and make a living doing the those things. They love what they do, but never know if others will too.

I absolutely fall in love with some of my photos...well let me correct myself there...I love pretty much all my photos. Even the bad ones, the bad ones are needed to get better. They keep me shooting till I get that perfect shot I saw in my head. I've always taken pictures. It's just part of who I am. I have a few creative mediums, but photography is the one thing that is truly special to me. When I was younger I never thought "I wanna be a photographer!" To be honest growing up I never thought about what I wanted to be when I "grew up". My parents never really asked me. Buffalo, the town that is it, and the rough life my parents had, their goal for me was simple- Graduate HIGH SCHOOL! It may seem like a ridiculous thing, or too small of a goal, but where I'm from that doesn't happen as often as it should. Starting my own fine art photography business never really dawned on me till someone actually said, "hey, did you ever consider selling your photos?" That question, even though I don't remember who that person was that asked, stayed with me for weeks. I thought about it constantly. It made me think if I actually considered myself a photographer. I never really did. I was just a regular girl that liked to take pictures. I was more of a video professional, not a still photographer. I kept thinking, and looking over all of my photos. I wasn't sure. At this particular time, I was doing more film, and video work, and fitting in a still photography career was crazy talk! I kept on with the film, and video gigs, but I continued to take photos and wonder about the photography world that wasn't weddings, and portrait studios.

This confusion, or whatever you want to call it that was happening in my head was constant! Quite annoying too. I was in this constant state of wonder, so I began to research markets, and all types of photography. Thats when I found out...Yes! There's actually a market for what I do!! I did all of this research quietly. My boyfriend at the time didn't really have any idea what I was up to, but he always gave me such positive feedback on my photos. My family as well. Now, in my book those types of people do not count toward the validation needed for an artist. They all loved me....how would they tell me that my photography actually sucked? Who does that to their loved ones?? I knew they were going to tell me what I wanted to hear. Even though they always say, "Amber, if it was horrible I would tell you." Well, when you love someone you have the blinders on. I'm sure everyone knows what I mean.

Working on the ship being a videographer, I was surrounded by photographers too. We would always take tons of pictures, show off what we took,  and give feedback. It's what us nerdy photogs do! I kept getting positive feedback from them, and from most that I wasn't close to. The more distant of a relationship I had with someone, and the more positive, or the more they praised my photos, the more validating it was for me to believe: Yes, I take great photos.

I finished my contract on the Cruise ship, I came home to my parents for a couple of months. I always liked sitting down, and talking to my parents about everything, this time being no different. My mother hated how I was so far away while doing the cruise ship contracts, my dad too for that matter. If they had things their way I'd always live at home. My mom wanted me off the ship. She would always say, "Amber, you need to buckle down, and get a real job." Insulting as that sounds, and however upset I got from it then, I knew she was right. I was scared to bring up the photography thing. I always showed my parents all of my photos. They loved them. They would pick out their favorites, or tell me which ones they didn't care for. But overall they would say they were all great. I had the thought that I wanted to start selling my photos for awhile ever since that one person asked me if i'd considered it. To actually say it out loud was scary. I thought that people would think I was ridiculous.

I took the plunge, and I told my parents that I wanted to sell my photos, do the art festival circuit, and eventually enter work to galleries down the line. I had it all laid out in my head. My parents aren't in that kind of business, but they are involved in what I want to do and ask from time to time how everything is. My mom couldn't stop suggesting weddings. I'm sorry, but I don't want to make a career out of weddings/events. I can shoot them, don't mind them either, but I don't want it to be my focus.

My sister was great, she supported me in all of this. She helped me get a lot of this planned out. Helped me focus on a number of business items I needed to address. She was behind me 100%. That to me was great. Hell, she bought my domain name for me. Which yeah, its not a lot of money, but it was the first step to a giant thing for me. It was a push I needed at the time.

All the while I still am doubting if I can really make this happen. Can I sell my photos? Will strangers like my work? Are people going to feel the way I felt when they look at a certain photo? Not only those questions about my so-called audience/buyers, but my peers! What are other photographers going to say, or think? How do I stack up against them? Is my work "professional" enough?

Sometimes, I still feel like that at times, but I stopped caring. I have to trust myself. Once I was true to myself, and not nervous about how people were going to see my work, I actually got better. I felt it was more me, or at least I felt I developed a style.

A problem I have now is picking certain photos to print and frame for shows. I never know what to select! It's frustrating. I always ask people what are their favorite photos of mine. Thats helps, but its always funny to me because its always something I never expect people to pick. I have a few that I just obsess over. Like the one below. One of my all time favs!! Mainly because I love the dark purple! I know everyone wont like this one.

Everyone likes the original red one instead.

It took me a long time to realize that whole idea of how people are not going to like the ones I like. I also find it funny how some people end up seeing what I haven't put on my website, and they say "Oh, my goodness that's beautiful." Than it makes me take a second look. That's what actually happened with this one below.

I took the picture for a reason. I saw something. I felt something. For some reason I thought no one would like it. My boyfriend is really into that grunge-y, more abandoned style, and he really like this one above, so when I took a second look at my inventory I found this one below. I felt like I made a re-discovery. Sometimes when I take certain photos they are too dark for some people to like. But that just means I have to come into my own as an artist, be comfortable with my style, and who I am as a person.

Do I like my art? When I am alone, and looking at my photos I'm absolutely in love with everything I do on a photography stance. When people start looking at my work...that's another matter. The self doubt starts. I have to be confident, but I don't want to get cocky, ya know? I have to realize that not everyone is going to like what I do. Thats a given, but I also have to not down play my talent, or my eye for things in this world. I have to be proud of what I create. I love it, so I have to be proud. Duh, Amber!!  For other artists out there remember that you can't make everyone happy, so just start with yourself, and things will start to piece together the way you want it to!