This phrase has new meaning in my newly found settled life here in NJ/NYC. I include NJ because I may live in Brooklyn now, but my jobs are in NJ. A large portion of my time is spent in NJ. I almost look at NJ as a place where I have a bit more room to roam. I can escape the millions of people that are "The City." I guess there is a certain pride that goes with being a resident of the 5 boroughs that everyone knows to be NYC.
Everyone has this glorified image of what NYC is, when you live here its a tough life, not glamourous at all. Some days, all you're left with is the bragging rights, and the ability to say "Yeah, thats right, I live in NYC." I feel like if you aren't working in finance than your life in NYC is a bit of a struggle, at least for people in my age group. Dont get me wrong you can be happy, but it's never easy out here.
I feel like I made a few mistakes since I have been out here. I had my goals intact, I had my plan, my ambition was at its peak, I knew what I had to keep doing. I was actually going in the right direction. Than my focus just crashed! My than partner became my focus. I am not blaming anyone. I am in fact taking responsibility for this with full force. I ended up moving from the bronx, to NJ where my partner lived. I had thoughts about how I didn't want my career to take the front sit. Love matters. Right?? I didn't want to be the woman that had the career, but with no life, and no partner to share it with.
Once I moved to NJ it became so much harder to get work, get my resume out to certain offices, and to keep my freelance PA work flowing in. I had my barista job, but the stress at that work place became so much so that my temper was at an all time high. Mix that with the stress of the said relationship, and I was a mad woman! I landed another barista gig in Hoboken, NJ. From that point I moved from the Bronx, and all ties I had with the city were no more.
Fast forward through the Summer, a break-up, surgery, and than Hurricane Sandy, and you had a broken little girl, so lost, and worried what her life had in store for her. I remember thinking how bad 2012 was and how I thought it was the worst year of my life. Who knows if it really was, but looking back from where I am now, I really feel like it was my year of struggle.
In my last post I mentioned a little bit about my cafe job. Yes, I have stayed in coffee. Like I said before I love it!
The turn around.
Indeed, It really has! I couldn't be more grateful for this job. I was given a chance. The people that work there are great. I adore a lot of them. Anywhere where I can make brown rice for my lunch is okay in my book. hahaha. They have a full kitchen, I should mention that before anyone is like "What the hell is she talking about?"
So, at this point you may be thinking, or who knows maybe you're not thinking anything, but I have two clear paths going on here. My transition from barista/film freelance to cafe manager/TV MC Op has been interesting. There is a stability now that I never had before. I am finding that with that stability comes the restrictions. I cant just take off whenever I want to do a freelance gig. I had another plan that should be a separate post altogether, but trying to transition back to film freelance/some side job is non-existent right now, and very hard to make happen. With all of that too is the fact that things are building for me in other areas. The fine art photography with the Salmagundi club, me moving up with the cafe is a strong force. I've had some job offers that I just didn't take, and the jobs I end up interviewing for that are in production, I interview for them, but it never comes around.
This is starting to sound like I am doubting myself, not at all. I am acknowledging how hard it still is, and how maybe the universal force, energy, or whatever you want to call it, may be pulling me away from the career I thought I wanted for so long. I must remember my thoughts when I am on set. I have had some hard days, and some great days, but challenging. All I do know is I like to lead, be the leader, and control the operations of something. I am actually doing that at the cafe now. I also know I need to be creative. I am also doing that as well.
Sometimes we really want something, and we don't really know why, or know if that is even really what we want. Maybe your day job isn't what you should be getting away from. The day job keeps you going. It gives you the means to make other things happen. It helps you on the way to wherever you need/want to go. My day jobs? I don't know where they are leading me, but I will take the advice and I wont be quitting my day job anytime soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment